To my love, my sun and moon. . . from my selfish heart

I have created a chasm between us. . . I pushed you away. . . my selfish heart speaks

You are always ever kind. . .
Ever understanding. . . I am difficult. . . I make you angry . . . I ruin you. . . my selfish heart speaks

I remember your eyes when you looked at me and told me that I would be ok, you were innocent, believed I was savable. . . I am not. . . at least not by you. . . you cannot save me! you won’t save me! . . .I will not let you. . .
I am angry, angry at myself, angry all the time, I want to be alone yet you always pull me away from my resolute solitude. . . I don’t know what to do, only that when I am broken you always try to save me, and I ruin you in return . . . so you would hate me. My selfish heart speaks

. . so that you would stay away. . .and I would preserve myself. . . my dignity. . .my sense of self. . . I don’t doubt your compassion, your empathy. . .your attraction . . . I doubt your love. . . your love that will always see me as you do now, a weak and fragile thing. . . you do not understand, that were there to be a label I want to run away from, it would be weak and fragile. . . I don’t hate fragility and vulnerability. . .I just hate that it is all that you see, when you look at me. . . so I ruined you, I ruined you to preserve myself. . . my selfish heart speaks

By Ruth Mgendi

I have an appreciation for words, the power words have to uplift, build, create, without words we would not be able to convey intent or meaning to each other.

I am also a legal researcher, lover of comics, art, color, stories, adventure and beauty. Above all I appreciate and respect life, the body, the mind and the soul.
I seek a higher connectivity and understanding of the co-existence between these three parts of life and hope to share this journey with any other learner.
I hope this forum will be interactive, positive and above all I hope it adds value in some way to those that read and interact.

Hope Nyambura is my attempt at a pen name, so. . . indulge my pink and golden bubble :-)

Thank you!

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